Happy New Year one and all!
New year, New you! I'm sure you have stumbled across my budding blog in an effort to feel in control of your life. It's January 1st and you feel the unending pressure to suddenly, miraculously, be the person you were always meant to be. Well, you came to the right place. This cozy little blog is here to talk all about those pesky New Year's resolutions and why they probably aren't your magical start to a new lease on life. Not what you came for? Too bad, writer picks the topic, reader shuts their cakehole.
Before we get deep into the meat of this, a quick disclaimer. This is a personal blog for my own thoughts and opinions. That being said, I do not want to perpetuate false information so I will strive to present all the facts in addition to my own opinions. The caveat here is that I can't make up for gaps in my knowledge. I'm not an expert and I won't claim to be. Take my words with a grain of salt. I will endeavor to be as accurate as I can but if I get something wrong, feel free to correct me on the facts. Just don't be that asshole on the internet who thinks that facts and opinions are the same thing. Be respectful, be open-minded, and don't be a dick.
Now that's over with; onward and downward!
New Year's Resolutions: if you don't know what they are then kindly inform me which rock you've been living under so I can join you in the hermit life. Most of the resolutions we hear ad nauseam are tied to the idea that if you create these habits, do these tasks, and accomplish these goals you will be a better person. That person you always wanted to be? Completely obtainable through hard work and dedication! Except, if the only thing keeping us from being everything we were born to be is willpower, then why is it that only 1% of us, according to Forbes Health, make it the full year?
I don't know about you, but I set my New Year's Resolutions with a type of blind hope that seems to forget who I am as a person. I find that is the quickest way to spiral into a nice seasonal depression while the winter is in full swing. That blind hope is based on the fact that I'm not exactly happy with how my life is, so I endeavor for personal success and in the process, I end up worse than where I started. Sound familiar? The real question to ponder and the one I hope to answer is why do we fail at the tasks we set out for ourselves, even when we follow the goal setting guidelines and genuinely want the change that nifty little habit or the relief of accomplishing that goal brings us? I happen to think it's because the world is shit. Ok, that isn't an actual answer. That is more the symptom of the illness. Our societal illness? Chronic Capitalism with the exciting comorbidities of Shame and Guilt that have been shoved into our little motivational toolboxes since birth.
Oh, I'm sorry, our personal success only comes in a one size fits all.
For the so called "diverse" society we live in I am shockingly assaulted by the indistinguishable ideas that society perpetuates. New Year's Resolutions act like a canary in a coal mine. The hall marks of a failing society can be seen in its views on personal success for the individual. For us in the Late, Great, United States, personal success is measured in how healthy you are, how much your physicality matches the prevailing societal ideals, and how much money you throw away on unnecessary items. The one caveat here is that the unnecessary items can only fall into the designer categories for that to count as personal success. When did we as a nation allow our ideas for personal success to become so unerringly narrow-minded?
Like it or not, we are bound by the societies we live in. We can rail against the blind, incompetent, and deaf system that we have been unhappily hitched to but that does absolutely nothing to change it in the long run and just creates strife in our day to day living. I can hear you now, "But if we can't change it then what is the point of living in it?", and to that I say, "Cool your jets. I haven't finished talking yet.". My view on our society is not what one would call cheery, but I reckon your outlook isn't all sunshine and rainbows either, otherwise you wouldn't be here reading this. So, sit down, raise your hand if you have any questions, comments or concerns, and if you don't like it; tough nuggies.
First, The Problems.
In all this stuff about New Year's resolutions we have yet to discuss how to actually accomplish them. Well, you need time, money, and energy. Sounds simple right? WRONGGGGG!
Time, time, time; where the fuck does it all go. At this point I'm willing to follow the white rabbit like Alice in some kind of feeble attempt to find more time. We have cultivated quite the hustle culture and yet in that culture, we still have no time. I time block my schedule from 7am when my alarm first goes off to about 11pm when I'm finally starting to wind down. Oddly enough those 16 hours start to feel like 4 hours when I pop in my part time work schedule, commuting time, daily tasks, and weekly chores. I struggle to find the time for leisure, let alone personal development!
What about money? Well, here in the United States, if you were to walk up to a random person on the street and ask if they are financially independent, I bet you the answer would almost always be no or just barely. But for some reason everything that you "need" to be healthy costs exorbitant amounts of money. Meal prep has now shifted from the best veggies to pick at the store to how many meals can I eke out of this $20 meal from Panera. Meal prep is often one of those things we all get told to do because it will save us time and money. What people fail to comprehend is the amount of energy and money you have to expend to actually do any worthwhile meal prepping. At this point I exist off my freezer meals I've made. Take a protein, dump it in a freezer bag, dump a marinade over the top, and freeze. When I want to cook it, I pull it out in the morning, dump it in a pan and pop it in the oven at night. Low cost, low effort. That is what meal prep should be framed as. Not the ever-present struggle to fit the healthy aesthetic.
The last real player on this field is energy. We all have it. Some of us just are in the negative. Everything you do requires energy. You get out of bed in the morning, wash your face, brush your teeth, maybe take a shower or workout, and then get dressed and it's off to work. Sounds all lovely and productive… to a healthy neurotypical person maybe. For any person with a physical or mental illness that morning sounds like hell. How much energy do I have? Do I have enough for a shower and breakfast? Maybe if I skip the shower then I can put on makeup today; but then I still skip breakfast. Maybe if I prep the night before it won't be so hard in the mornings; until you remember that you crash into a lump when you get home because what energy you had left in the morning was depleted by work. To top it off, our world is currently so focused on self-care that society has turned it into another task. We forget that there are people out there with little to no energy and sometimes at the end of the day they just have nothing left to work on self-betterment. It's not that you or I are lazy. We just ran out of gas. We don't expect a car to run on empty so why do you think you should?
Second, The Obstacles.
I can hear you now, groaning over the repetition, aren't obstacles and problems the same thing. To that, I pull out my Edna Mode newspaper and smack you, "Pull yourself together!". No, they aren't the same thing. The problems are where you started at, the obstacles are your journey, and your solutions are the end of the Candyland path we have been nauseatingly stuck on for the last god knows how long. So, pick up your little neon colored gingerbread man and draw a card.
You hustle and bustle your way through the board and focus on making your way to the end as fast as possible. You keep a sharp eye out for all those short cuts that people tell you about and cross your fingers that none of the cards you draw are going to set you back. Unfortunately, because you are so focused on doing well, you miss a handy dandy short cut. The other player sees what you missed and lucks out on his cards, taking him halfway up the board in a single move. Full of optimism you watch for all the other short cuts you just know are there, but you miss the sticky mess of gumdrops waiting for you as soon as you reach the other side of the shortcut. Now you are stuck, and the other players have managed to leave you in the dust.
The constant comparisons, hustle culture, and beleaguered independence are our missed paths, sticky gumdrops, and horrible setbacks. We sit and compare ourselves, so expertly, to everyone and everything around us. Sometimes it's unintentional, sometimes it's well meaning, and other times it's meant as a put down; all of it is damaging. We push ourselves to constantly be available, working, socializing, or to put it simply, we have created a society in which productivity is the king and if you aren't being productive then you are a burden on society. How can anyone be expected to be productive every single waking hour? Even our forms of self-care and relaxation have been turned into ways to be productive. Every hobby has to be a side gig, every weekend off needs to be spent bettering yourself, and worst of all, rest isn't considered being productive. We have carefully constructed a conglomerate of citizens who are connected globally but not locally. We are taught to be independent and self-sufficient from a young age or on the flip side, we are so remarkably codependent that we don't know how to exist without others. So, all these problems and obstacles; what do we do about them?
Lastly, the part you've all been waiting for; The Solutions.
I won't claim to have all the answers. I'm stuck on this game board like the rest of you. What I can share is what has worked for me and hopefully my ridiculous answers to the incompetent problems will aid you in your Candyland game from hell.
Time. It's a killer for sure. This one I will admit I don't have figured out quite yet. I have tried daily routines, planners, alarms, schedules, night before prep and just about everything else I can think of to allow myself more time to get everything done. I have personally found that less is more here. I still set my 5 alarms for the morning to keep track of what time it is. I do have a very rough and flexible morning routine that lets me know at what time I should be finishing up and what task I need to do next. I also am not currently working a full-time job anymore (long story for another time) and my part time job allows me to write this particular blog as I sit waiting for a customer to wander through our doors on Christmas day. So, I did luck out on the job front in that I have more time, but I also get paid significantly less.
Money is my main struggle. Paying bills is getting more and more difficult. I am quite literally starting a business for myself, so I have the ability to work from home because that is what my disability requires. I'm in debt far more than I would like to be and I don't really have lots of positive financial outcomes for the future. What I can tell you is that hyper fixating on your bank account will fuck you up just as much as not looking at it. I struggle with numbers, so I've begun to budget by items. I allow myself 2 meals under $15 a month. I tell myself that I can buy 3 small things for under $10 for the month. Save those for a rainy day. I have found that I have thought less about the price and more about the item. Do I really want this trinket to be one of my 3 small things, or would I like to wait and get something nicer when I'm feeling shitty? It's not much but it's been a lifesaver for me.
Now the hard part, energy. I, unfortunately, understand that I will likely be in an energy deficit for most of my life thanks to a certain chronic illness I had the misfortune to contract. I have to take a stimulant just to keep me in an upright position all day so I'm just working on getting enough energy to get shit done. I have used energy drinks and caffeine but that mixed with my med gave me gastritis. I have looked into b-12 shots and those did work for a very short while, but I hate needles and can't afford an injection a week. I have worked on only expending my energy for "important" things but when I started thinking my friends weren't important enough for me to see because I had other tasks to do, I called it quits. Now, I have come up with an intriguing way around these obstacles and problems. Community.
Is this lady done talking yet?
Almost. Now sit down and shut up while I finish. This year I am running an experiment with my friend. My darling friend Ducky has been my go-to person for the last 2 ish years that I've known her. I know that she is struggling with a lot of the same issues I am and then some of her own. Neither of us feel like we've got it together and I don't know about Ducky, but I definitely don't feel like an adult. So, I have asked Ducky to be my Accountability/Growth buddy. The buddy system has seemed to work for us before and here's hoping it will again. I call this an experiment because we aren't going to just live our lives and check in with each other on occasion. We are both going to start relying on the community we have. If there is a day we need to just rest, then we will meet up and just rest. If I need help actually sitting down and writing, then she is going to sit next to me and work on her thing while I do mine. If she needs help doing laundry that week then I am there to help with laundry. I personally, am sick of doing this whole life thing alone. I don't have the energy or desire to continue. I'm not losing my independence, but rather gaining a freedom I didn't previously have.
I'm coming to the conclusion that humans weren't meant to live separate lives. We were built for community and compassion. I want to get back to that. Over the next year, Ducky and I are going to actively build our community, and I think you should do the same.
The Take Away from all this Pessimism?
In this diverse, modern, and bullshit world, society still seems to think that personal success is a one size fits all model when in reality it never has been. Toss away the woefully wanting weight loss plans, chuck the carefully structured schedule in the bin, and embrace the everyday travesty that is this beautiful life. I won't say it won't suck; it absolutely will. I won't say it will all be ok in the end; I'm not a fucking psychic. What I will say, is that it's worth it. It won't seem like it but every time you try something new, each day with perfect weather, each tearful hug you are given, each and every moment makes it worth it. You don't have to be wildly successful to be happy, you don't even have to be better for this life to be worth it. The worth of the world is not found in any self-imposed importance that man could craft. The worth of the world is found in the quiet moments, the dearly loved friends, and the perfect days yet to be felt, and even if it never gets any better than this, your life is worth it.
I can only hope that this blog has managed to convince you that I'm a half-way decent writer with intriguing ideas about how the world should be, and you will want to stick around for the next year as we fumble our way through this world of ours. Let 2025 be the year you see the worth in the whispers.
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